cobaltcannon: DREAM RIDE (Default)
[personal profile] cobaltcannon
 I'm so pissed off right now.

At both a friend and myself.

I had not slept at all last night due to whacked up sleeping schedule over the long weekend and the early appointment to the immigration office, after that, going to class and had not returned home until just an hour ago. I'm riding on a lack of sleep, on top of the pints and the events that unfurled tonight.

I was out late drinking as usual with a couple of classmates, and I could not believe that I did not see it coming sooner. My best pal in class asked me and one other out for drinks today, which started out great. We left the pub pretty early and I was set to go home and sleep, then my friend insisted that I hang out with him, to which I responded to obliviously that we were hanging out. He looks at me incredulously, laughs, and says 'are you for real?', 'seriously?' Seriously what? I kept asking. I was so confused. It didn't hit me until 5 awkward minutes later in standing in the middle of Shibuya with him trying to hint at me that he liked me.

It came out of the fucking blue and it honestly slapped me in the face. But now thinking back at his behavior the part few weeks - I am starting to see it. But the question still remains as to why. Honest to god, he's the straightest guy you can imagine, and never shown any indication of interest, at least from my view. I was stupid and unsure enough to accept his request to get another drink together in hopes to explain things a little, sitting down awkwardly with him as he bought another round of beers.

I was still trying to get my head around it, connecting the dots as to why he seemed so quiet the previous week, when usually he is the life and soul of the class, to suddenly show hesitance and fall uncharacteristically silent. When I asked him back then if he was okay, he brushed me off with the vague comment of things not doing well at home. Who would've guessed otherwise. Turns out as I found out today, he was apparently struggling with his feelings for a 'flatmate' and for myself. He then admitted tonight that he'd given up on this 'flatmate', saying he had no more distractions. At this point my mind was blown, I didn't know what to say. So I just shook my head, laugh awkwardly, and he laughs back.

Then he asks me to sit next to him, at which point I finally got it, and said straight up to him that I was not interested. I swear to god, he was so close to crying. I felt bad, but I felt fucking furious too. Leslie you fucking douchebag. You fucked it all up for us for the rest of the term. Just cuz I like to banter and play fight with you all doesn't mean I'm interested. Sure, I'm open as fuck most of the time, but to make someone interpret that as flirting must've taken some serious miscommunication.

If I'd seen this much sooner I'd have worked hard to prevent it, and usually these things don't pass me by at all. I'm fucking pissed off now that my daily class is going to have the awkward stretch. A silent, depressed Leslie like he was last week will honestly make a big impact on the class seeing as he is the most charismatic and outspoken there. 

Fuck you Leslie, man. Fuck my obliviousness too. I haven't done my homework or chores yet but I'm too tired and angry as fuck to do anything tonight.
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