Nov. 21st, 2014 02:48 am

Oo la la

cobaltcannon: Enter The Dragon - Bruce Lee (ETD - Bruce Lee)
[personal profile] cobaltcannon
Talking with too many Italianos lately. Oo la la. Blogging at nearly 4am in the morning, again?? Oo la fucking la.

If there is a way to turn platonic friends off from hitting on you, then please fucking tell me. I'm getting so annoyed with it happening so much and I'm not even trying to appeal or come off like I'm flirting. And when I reject them, they get butthurt and the friendship falls apart. Or I endure the weird glances here and there. Granted, I wouldn't turn down a cutey with the sweetest curves and probably splurge my cash on her if she asked, but -- a friend circle? Needs to stay as a friend circle. No matter how attractive the people. Period.

Or maybe that is a bit biased of me as I didn't come here to mate. I came here to fucking learn shit, network for jobs and pursue my ambitions. And the last thing I want is my work space to be awkward because some people can't keep to themselves.


Actually, you know what. Fuck it. Relationships aren't for me. I've almost about given up on that since my last fall out. I've been really happy these past months without feeling attached to anyone. It's so liberating, and in lieu of the constant nightmares, I have much more time to do the things I want to do.

Though as fun as this and next month will be, I actually can't begin to express how pissed scared I am that Christmas and New Years is approaching. I'm feeling like I'm teetering on a precipice, with this happiness I worked hard for just dangling and threatening to drop for however long the next episode will be. So much shit happened last year at that time, and in the end, the Christmas came and went without me even surfacing to breathe.

Even now, I'm still waiting for the Christmas of 2013, to know that it has long passed. This year I'm afraid won't be much different.

The situation obviously has changed since then. But I'm in a place where I still have no real intimate connections, and being half way across the world from everyone I know, no matter how insignificant the acquiantance, the isolation is even more prominent. I just hope those memories won't resurface too much to affect me.

But seriously -- I have no idea what or where I'm going to end up this year. I did find a local British pub in Shibuya which will be serving Christmas dinner on the day - so I'll likely be crawling there for a sense of nostalgia. It's the only place where I can feel closest to home at this point in time, and maybe meet some other expatriates while I'm at it too.

Gah. I feel like I want to vent more. And I will when the time comes. For now, I'm gonna enjoy the fuck of the next few weeks, and not think about shitty Christmases. 
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